On this week's very special episode of The Armageddon Afterparty, Rett and TJ get together in The Bunker to record an episode without Jon. There is talk of sex, mortgages, artificial insemination, torn buttholes, and OJ Simpson. They discuss the planting of evidence, and they go pretty hard on cops and Oglethorpe County. TJ tells a story of taking delaudid, and Rett calls Floyd Mayweather a fag. And, they discuss the point of the podcast.
Rett drops some tequila knowledge, which leads to the now-famous Canadian Hobbits bit, which of course leads the guys to come up with the concept of the Buttmusket. Jon finally gets his hot brown. TJ talks about the McGregor-Mayweather fight. The guys talk about Sammy Sosa's new look, the Westboro Baptist Church, the Amish, and the origin of the name Dick Loverboy. They discuss movie theater masturbation technique and cousin lust, then things just fall apart at the end.
Rett drops some coke knowledge, ponders the ultimate bidet, and tells the Zima and cigarillo story again. Jon gets worked up. The guys discuss the crazy Gwinnett knife bitch, and they ponder the age old question: Krull or Beastmaster? They talk about the G20 protests, Trump fatigue, and terror attacks. They wonder about the spelling of dookie and decade-specific hotness. Rett talks about his river trip and introduces the guys to Man Lard. They talk about Bear Fights, the Georgia Theatre, and Earthworm Jim. And they end up discussing Rett's magnum opus, The Jizzmopper Trilogy.
The guys gather down in The Bunker once again for talk of chanterelles, bugs on cars, and aging comedian rapists. Jon talks about Philando Castille and brings everyone down, then talks about health care in the US and brings everyone down again. The guys talk about Wonder Woman. Rett calls Jon on his oppressive ways as Jon opines on gender equality. TJ shits his pants at work. The guys respond to some tweets, and Rett talks about Six Flags on Acid.
TJ kicks things off by imploring everyone to be nice to members of the service industry. The guys cover the Georgia Prison Bus Escape in real time. Rett discusses this week in America. Jon recounts his recent road trip with the missus. And then shit just really falls apart at the end.
This one starts out with a bang, and by bang, I mean an Amber Alert. Jon gives an I-85 update and tells tale of almost shitting his new pants after a trip to the Dwarf House. TJ talks about a possible foot fetish. Rett and Jon recount their recent kayaking trip. The guys discuss Kathy Griffin, Tiger Woods, and how awesome it is to drive drunk. Jon explores a weird cop paranoia. The guys fondly remember Gregg Allman, Manuel Noriega, and the marriage of Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau. They later talk about homeless gay sex and gigantic equine penises, because of course.
The guys start off things talking about this week in TrumpAmerica then follow that up with some new AA theme submissions (big shout out to Blac Gold and Texas T). TJ gives some baby updates. Rett reviews Alien Covenant. Jon provides some more information on the Two Dogs story. They mourn the loss of Roger Moore and tell mushroom stories. Rett gets drunk on whooskey, invents Multiple Scaroscious, calls out Mark Bell, and finally loses his voice for the best possible reason.
The guys gather for the first time since the birth of Baby Pigroast, and boy is there some talk about the birth of Baby Pigroast. Tearing, rock hard placenta, umbilical cutting technique, vagina slime - nothing is off limits. Later, Jon learns that Chris Cornell has died. The guys get an I-85 update, discuss Patriots, and debate the Titty Threshold. There is also talk of porn stashes, Christian guilt, and pee versus poo fetishes. They debate whether one is allowed to be gay and racist, and they swap stories about the proper technique to use to un-stick two dogs who have just had sex.
Once again, your fearless hosts gather in The Bunker to talk about fast food breakfast and the fact that TJ's wife is about to have a child. Rett gets stitches. Jon complains about fake news. The guys talk about North Korea, new baby stench, and blowjob robots. Rett takes a bit of a turn around minute 59. Then, for unknown reasons, Jon brings up Chris Benoit, and Rett brings up Cropsy.
The guys gather in The Bunker and celebrate Jon's birthday the best way they know how: by drinking delicious Irish whiskey. There is talk of movies, Bill O'Reilly, and Monkey Girl. Rett gives a leadership speech and contemplates starting a religious cult. There is a contest. Rett points out that Jon has a big fat head, and there is talk of uncircumcised snacks. TJ brings up Aaron Hernandez's suicide, which of course leads to talk of the Cosby show, which in turn takes us to pivotal moments in history. TJ talks about doing acid and tells stories. Rett talks about the Multiverse. Jon advances his theory that reality television led to President Trump. Music sucks now. Happy Birthday, and cash me outside. How bout dat?
The guys come out the gate hot and immediately and briefly revisit the Johnathan Brandis suicide note. Jon shits fries, Don Rickles dies, and US missiles fly. Rett pulls a real bonehead move and runs out of gas. Jon tells the story of losing his virginity and dealing with the Jesus-guilt that came shortly after he did. There is discussion of the Michael Madsen sex tape, avocados, and racisim. Jon talks about the recent Doug Stanhope show at the Theatre, and TJ talks about the fire in his basement. They discuss they I-85 bridge fire, their favorite Price is Right games, and the comedy of Whoopi Goldberg. There is talk of other podcasts, the Human Rut, and when it is okay to call your significant other a bitch. TJ gives his opinion on ice-water. Jon misuses the word literal. Rett reveals his obsession with the Christian Slater vehicle, Kuffs. And, finally, the guys kick off the Search for Buttman.
Because episode 104 took so long to release (it was Rett's fault), we decided to go ahead and put out a second episode this weekend. BREAKING NEWS - I-85 is on fire, or at least was at the time of this recording. So, the guys open up discussing the dynamics of extinguishing a fire with homeless urine. Also in breaking news, Ga expands its law on CBD oil, which leads to another discussion of drug legalization. There is talk of Jonathan Brandis's suicide note, defecating outdoors, and our need for bidets. TJ has been watching birthing videos. They talk about the NC Bathroom bill and child molesters in general. The guys pay their respect to The Shithouse Poet and Buttman, talk about the March to the Sea, and discuss the marvelous wonders of Cracker Barrel. They answer your letters, talk about Georgia executions, and discuss Scientology numbers and the "How My Dad Was Brainwashed..." movie. But honestly, Rett was too drunk at that point, so the conversation quickly diverts to titties and grizzly bears. Rett starts whispering, and the podcast comes full circle with one word....Sizzler.
First of all, full disclosure, Jon is sick for this one, which of course means that he is switching from beer to rye whiskey. The guys discuss Trump parody porn, Mad Men, and most importantly, Jon's new phone. They talk about Instagram's policy on dookie pictures as well as several recent comedy specials. Rett goes to bat for minorities...again. Talk of Uber ratings and etiquette somehow transitions into examples of orgasm noises. There are some fond memories of Robo-tripping, and Rett recounts his recent annual river trip. Rett also almost got shot at work recently. There is talk of 80's movies, FX's Legion, a circle-back to 80's movies, and a debate on the best male nude fight scenes in cinema. And finally, they circle back to Instagram's dookie policy. Seriously, if someone could let us know what that is, it would be great..
After a bit of a break, the guys convene in The Bunker to talk about Cherry Blossoms, ice dildos, The Philadelphia Incident, and the Malice in the Palace. Rett talks about strep throat, his gigantic tonsils, and his upcoming river trip. Jon talks about Twin Piggy Bowls and Philly Cheesesteaks. Rett gets racist at 17:40 and also introduces a new character named Croatia Cox. There is talk of 311, TV News, and the Oscars. The guys discuss the true merits of "In Vino Veritas", and they talk about sheep balls and British brothers. And there is also some talk about The Legend of Zelda.
TJ talks about shitty circuses. Rett talks about yoga. Jon talks about Philly Cheese Steaks. There is discussion of the weather, New Orleans, and what is new in Trump America, including marijuana laws and backward swastikas on Mexican restaurants. Rett ponders the possibility of taking the battle to some parking lot nazis and offers some great advice if you are planning to attack an Asian. Jon really wants to chest kick someone. And finally, the guys spend some time discussing white privilege, racism as a function of power, and the concept of keeping it real.
Jon hates white people. The guys recap the Super Bowl and talk about immigrants, Trump, and prison wallets. Rett gets racist. Jon recalls a recent trip to Columbia South Carolina to see Dave Chappelle. There is talk of parades, Philly cheesesteaks, and Indiana Jones. And Rett gets racist.
For this very special landmark episode, the guys welcome two old friends back to the Bunker: their most popular guest, Henry Mitchell III, and Sports Survival Analyst Todd. Of course, there is talk of Trump. Rett talks about science, white privilege, and burns. Todd talks sports. The guys offer their predictions for the Super Bowl, and they debate the best halftime shows. TJ offers his keys to great football. There is talk of movies and soundtracks, and the guys remember the music and movie clubs of their childhood. Discussion of race relations and gender relations reveal the fact that Rett is not only racist, but pretty sexist as well. The guys talk about upcoming Beastmode shows, and they discuss filming a follow up documentary: Return of the Lost Children of Rockdale County. Henry tells of his plans for celebrating Black History Month, and in a beautiful and honest moment, Todd thanks him for his service.
This episode was show-title heavy, so here is a list for your enjoyment: Bring the Whiskey. Oh Henry and His Poisonous Nuts. Make Capital Hill a Real Thing. Fuck You Voice of Reason. One Hundred Show Titles. Rocky IV All the Time. My Hand Can't Keep Up. and The Ongoing Problems of White American Males.
In their first podcast since the inauguration, President Trump seems to dominate the conversation. There is talk of The Wall, immigration, punching Nazis, NASA, the inauguration, the Women's March, and how the world sees America. But, there is also talk of sliderules, tornadoes, the Super Bowl, Silverado, and Creature Comforts. Jon ponders whether he would take part in an orgy if Rett were present. Rett does what is probably the most unique terrible Asian accent that you have ever heard. And the guys spend some time discussing positivity and the true meaning of Armageddon Afterparty.
On the eve of the inauguration of our 45th President, the guys got together to talk about some things: the Trump presidency, Trump's cabinet picks, and whether or not he has the ability to cut off the internet. They also discuss Chyna's clitoris, TJ starting a cartel, Rett fisting, and Jon's obsession with Reese Witherspoon's daughter. There is also talk of J Romney, predestination, and crow funerals. They offer terrible reviews of The OA, Rick and Morty, and Star Wars Rogue One. And Rett talks about steak and lesbians.
The guys get together for a bit of a year-end wrap-up show deep in the Bunker. They talk about the upcoming Midville trip, Christmas presents, thrift stores, and Rett's work. There is a small Star Wars dork-out at one point. They remember some of the people that we lost in 2016, and they discuss whether it truly is a sin to kill a ladybug. Jon questions the appeal of both the New York Strip and Publix fried chicken. Rett goes really deep on going really deep on acid.
