During episode 44, I mentioned an incident when I recently received what I believe to be the single shittiest five dollar bill in the history of America from a drive through attendant at the Wendy's on Prince Avenue. Due to the fact that our podcast is not much of a visual medium, we have decided to provide a picture of that five dollar bill:
We would hope that agree that this is the worst five dollar bill ever. I mean it is really, really terrible. It is a disgusting, flaccid, embarassing piece of shit. I would like to say the strangest thing about the whole thing is that despite the fact that it looks like it has been balled up and forcefully inserted into a homeless man's asshole for a few days, I can attest that it does not have any out-of-the-ordinary smells. But, despite all of our efforts, we simply cannot determine what the filth is.
As explained, the problem that I have with this five dollar bill is the shame that is inevitably going to accompany the spending of it. I need to point out that I, unlike my podcast partners and former Bunker-mates, am fully capable of shame. I am a human being, by God, and I try to look out for my fellow man. Now, I am going to have to go out, look someone directly in the eye, and hand them this piece of garbage after they provide me approximately five dollars worth of goods and/or services. At this point, I am at a loss. This shitty sawbuck is too flaccid for the strip club, it is too filthy for any establishment with even the smallest amount of usable light, and I cannot bring myself to donate it to any decent cause. If you have ideas, please feel free to comment on this post. Survivors, I am relying upon you. But, perhaps more importantly, shit-stained Abraham Lincoln is relying on you. Please do not, through your inaction, cause him to have been assassinated in vain. God speed...