There is a debate going regarding how far one should go in their efforts to understand those with opposing beliefs, primarily those with more extreme opposing beliefs. I have mainly heard it lately from friends and others on the left with regards to those Americans who are 100%, ride or die, come hell or high water or any degree of actual facts contrary to their reality, totally in the bag for Donald J. Trump. I have found myself recently quite fascinated with the hardcore Trumpers, at least partially because several people that I know and love are in that camp. I have one very close family member that believes right now that the 2020 US Presidential election was completely fraudulent, that machines switched votes from Trump to Biden, and that there are 80-90 million actual Trump voters out there who are right there with him in these beliefs. On a good day, it sounds like those people are just frustrated and pouting. On a bad day, it sounds vaguely like we may be on the verge of some large scale fracturing of our country. When I ask for actual evidence, he often withholds, saying that that I would not like his sources. When I ask about the 80-90 million, he says that it just his estimate. I have thought about “estimating” a slightly larger number of fake Biden voters, and following it up with absolutely no evidence, but something tells me that he will not accept that.
Now, for anyone who knows my and family, let me say that this person is not my father. I am not throwing the old man under the bus. My father is getting on in years and doesn’t really enjoy spirited debate these days, nor am I really sure if he ever did. But I will say that this person is close to me, that I love him dearly, and that I find his views on a lot of recent events very interesting.
So I have heard from people on the left that there is really no point in trying to understand these viewpoints, that those people have completely abandoned facts for feelings, that they are completely comfortable with a pseudo-strongman taking charge and protecting them, and that they do not really care that their guy seems to have no regard for Constitutional boundaries, established precedent, or even any level of common decency. Their position is that those people are not going to be reasoned with on any level, so there is no reason to waste your time trying. I recently listened to a great episode (#174) of the podcast “Stay Tuned With Preet” during which Preet Bharara interviews journalist and professor Jelani Cobb. I have really enjoyed everything that I have seen of Dr. Cobb’s work - he was interviewed for the movie “13th,” and he has done some extensive work reporting on the police, including a very informative Frontline special. Dr. Cobb analogized our current situation to the building of a house. If my memory serves, he stated that people can argue with one another over the type of materials used, what color to paint the walls, and where to place the furniture, but if someone is running around tearing down load bearing walls, you should most certainly not take the time to stop and reason with them. You should waste no time trying to figure out why they are doing what they are doing. You should just stop them.
I do really like this analogy, but I feel like it doesn’t hold up past a certain point. First of all, I have spoken with several people on the right. In addition, for the past several months as a result of the recent election and the added bonus of the Senate runoff in Georgia, I have had the pleasure of receiving anywhere from 1-5 flyers a day clearly and boldly outlining the views of two of the most extreme-right and absolute Trump-suckling Republicans in American government right now. And I can say with absolute certainly that a lot of them believe (or espouse the belief) that Democrats are dead set on doing everything that they can to trick the public, gain absolute power, and then destroy America. Regardless of the side that it comes from, thinking that the logical end of your opponent is simply to destroy everything is just a stupid, oversimplified point at which to start, and it gets us absolutely nowhere toward improving anything.
Secondly, how is anyone proposing that we actually stop them? This is group of people who are screaming that they are the ones who have actually been marginalized and ignored by society and the government. I worry that any outside efforts to stop them are only going to give them strength, kind of like Godzilla. I just don’t think you will ever be able to regulate or legislate out terrible ideas. It is better to play nice as much as you can, do your best to make sure that everyone is in situation where they are able to have an open mind, and then present them with a better idea. I am now immediately regretting my previous Godzilla reference, because it just sank in that you absolutely cannot reason with Godzilla.
Also, I fully acknowledge that there is a point at which reason and discussion is no longer an option (looking at you, Hitler!). I just don’t think that we are at that point yet in America. But if both sides keep acting like obstinate assholes and refusing to talk to one another, we are almost certainly heading that way.
I hold to a somewhat unusual belief that a person is not their opinion. I really don’t know where I got this idea, and so far I have not been able to really support it with anything factual. To be honest, it really may just be a garbage idea. I am just tossing it out there now to see what people think. Feel free to chew on it, tear it down, and spit it back in my stupid face if you would like. I guess my thinking comes down to a belief that a person is what they do, not what they believe. Of course, I completely acknowledge the connection between the two. I just believe with a little effort, you may actually be able to change what a person is thinking before it manifests itself as action. Because of this belief, I lean more toward fascination, or at the very least interest, rather than disgust or offense when someone presents a belief that others around me may find annoying, stupid, or even dangerous or reprehensible.
When I engage in discussion with the family member that I mentioned earlier, I often get the impression that he thinks I am trying to trick him in some effort to win an argument. Don’t worry - I can firmly say that I know I am not going to be able to win anything in these situations. But, I have so far been very unsuccessful in making him understand that I am not actually trying. I am truly interested in his beliefs, why he holds them, whether or not they stand up to scrutiny, and whether or not he will accept it if they do not. And, I am also interested in his take on my beliefs. Put your ideas out there and let people have a good look at them. If your ideas are worth anything, they will survive. If they are garbage ideas, you are going to need to change them or discard them altogether. But this will only work if everyone can agree to some common ground, and that is only going to happen if people are communicating and disagreeing civilly.
I think that in this country today, we are suffering right now from a distinct failure in ability to put oneself in another’s position. So many people seem to be thinking that THEY are the assholes, not me. I am going to let you in on a little secret. You are almost certainly an asshole. And even if you are not, maybe act like you are and work on trying to improve that, and everyone can benefit. I have come to love the phrase “there but for the grace of God go I.” During any discussion with others, I would encourage you keep that phrase in mind and accept the very real possibility that, given the right set of circumstances, you could easily be standing on the other side of whatever disagreement has presented itself. Be respectful of one another, do your best to try to find some common ground, and work hard to truly understand the position of the people with whom you disagree. If you do this, I think that we will all be better for it. If we are going to make any progress, we cannot just abandon the importance of working to understand the other side.