Episode 76 - Proper Swirl Technique

Rett's back, bitches.  And, surprisingly, sober.  Rett tells tale of his river trip.  TJ jizzes into a cup.  Jon describes the almost perfect poop.  They talk about another podcast (Song Exploder).  Jon plays in the dirt.  They check out a few news stories and mourn the loss of Rob Ford the only way that they know how - by playing a game in his memory.  

Also, please do not forget that our good friends in Beastmode are going to be playing in the finale of the Athens Unsigned Battle of the Bands at Livewire on Saturday 3/26.  Get off your ass and support some awesome local music.  Details in the link below.  

Episode 75 - Beastmode

The guys (without Rett...finally) welcome Henry Mitchell III and his little brother Richard Mitchell the First to The Bunker.  Henry and Richard are members of the metal band Beastmode, and they are currently participating in the Livewire Battle of the Bands.  Right now, they are set to compete in the finals on March 26, so get off your ass and go support some good local music.  

Henry premieres the new Armageddon Afterparty theme song.  They guys talk politics, which of course leads to talk of prepping for the coming apocalypse.  There is some drug talk, some river talk, and some food talk.  And at the end, there is a terribly unprepared version of "Ask a Black Guy." 

Episode 74 - Next Level Politics

For this episode, the guys spend some time really breaking down the Presidential Race.  They also discuss Katt Williams' recent arrest in Gainesville, Chris Jones' penis unleashing at the NFL combine, and Rett's half marathon training.  Talk of hot yoga devolves into talk of group showers (of course). They spend some time talking about Chelsea Does Drugs and the Oscars.  And just between you and me, the close second subtitle for this episode was "Burning Dick Muscle."

Episode 73 - Your Stupid Face Said Enough

For their 73rd episode, the guys welcome former radio disc jockey and current sound effects master Kip Conrad (@stripmallkarate on Twitter) into The Bunker to switch up the format a little bit.  Rett and TJ give updates on their basketball coaching gig.  The guys talk about Star Wars, Deadpool, and the final episode of the X-Files.  Jon talks about chickens and penises.  They discuss workplace masturbation, Donald Trump, and the Apple/FBI controversy.  

Episode 72 - I Hate Kids These Days

The guys are really going on a strong no-guest streak right now.  In this episode, they discuss the etiquette and possible legal ramifications of passing a school bus.  They talk about the movie Spotlight and the live television version of Grease.  Jon gives his theory regarding the evolution of the human male penis, then expresses his displeasure with the current state of pop music.  Then, the guys apparently get in some sort of internet time machine, go back 6 years, and start checking out YouTube videos.  And, at the end, Jon and Rett start calling one another racist.  

Episode 71 - I Don't Think I Can Go Back to the Y

The guys once again converge on The Bunker to bring you some of the best post-(imagined)apocalyptic humor available on the Internet today.  They talk Presidential politics.  Rett talks about training for a half marathon...and his balls. Ken inadvertently delivers an amazing Shit Story Glory via text.  Rett bemoans Eastside fast food.  Jon talks about Kangaroo Dundee.  They guys talk about Roosh V, men's rights, and Return of Kings.  They casually chat about institutional racism in downtown Athens bars and shoot the shit about the best selling hip-hop albums of all time.  

Episode 70 - The Perfect Butthole Selfie

First of all, does anyone even read these things?  Or am I just wasting valuable time and artistic effort?  Tell you what - first person to email us at afterpartypod@gmail.com and include the phrase "Rett's Nipple Milk" in the subject line will receive a special reward of five American dollars.  It will be our little secret.  Anyway, episode 70 is a real zinger.  The guys spend some more time talking about Star Wars.  They ponder the career of American actor Sam Rockwell.  Rett recaps the entire final episode of the X-Files.  TJ gets his shit ganked at a comedy show.  Rett almost destroys his scrotum training for a half-marathon.  Jon gives a Midville recap.  The guys discuss what a male nipple milk would taste like, and they spend some more time talking about Rett's butthole, as per usual.   

Episode 69 - Mission Accomplished

Well, Survivors...it looks like we made it.  The 69th episode of The Armageddon Afterparty is now finally upon you.  The guys pay tribute to two legends who recently passed: Lemmy Kilmister and General Norman Schwarzkopf.  Rett talks about Christmas and the X-Files, and Jon talks about Detective Joe Kenda.  A combination of Rett's old photographs and Jon recounting a show on Nat Geo cause the guys to get nostalgic about their childhoods.  TJ wonders how his dad would respond to him being gay.  There is talk about New Year's resolutions and Rett's new Fitbit.  And  (SPOILER ALERT at the 51 minute mark) the guys talk about the new Star Wars movie.

ALSO - Head or Cocktails is happening tonight, 12/30/15, at 8 pm at The Nowhere Bar in beautiful downtown Athens, Georgia.   

Episode 68 - Mutha Returns...to Talk About Poontang

For this episode, the guys welcome their old friend Mutha back to The Bunker. They talk about UGA football, Star Wars, and Rett's recent dunk tank adventure.  There is also talk of cake walks, Oregon Trail, and the preferable method of scrotum hair removal.  Jon fails miserably in his efforts to find a video online.  Rett gets drunk on whiskey, talks about international relations, and demonstrates proper ball-waxing technique.  Due to a special request, the guys talk at length about Ken's penis.  And at the end, the guys discuss their favorite holiday songs, and they take the time to wish everyone a very Murray Christmas.  

Episode 67 - Dingleberry Central

First of all, let me be honest.  This one gets a little weird.  Rett talks about cooking.  Jon wonders if you can huff Raid.  TJ doesn't really hate on anything.  The guys discuss the Planned Parenthood shooting, 50 Shades of Gray, and Wal-Mart.  TJ and Rett discuss no hand pleasure techniques.  And, they ask the hard questions: Is Dave Weiglin a racist? Why do sheep have black buttholes?  What is Jon even talking about?  And, of course, they talk about poop for a bit.

Episode 66 - F*** You, Everybody

For this very special episode, the guys gather in The Bunker once again to talk some Georgia football, Cats vs. Cucumbers, and some moron in Mississippi who attempted to bomb a Wal-Mart over the Confederate Flag.  They also discuss the recent terrorist attacks in Paris.  TJ goes on quite the tear, and expresses his hatred of the following: violent people, Cross Fitters, Ravers, the guy at darts that smelled like a dead animal, people on Facebook, the Paleo diet, organized religion, Jon's hair, P90X, drunk drivers, cough syrup, Axe Body Spray, and the Confederate Flag.  And what does TJ like? Pablo Fucking Escobar.  Seriously.  The guys also talk about the Ronda Rousey fight, some awesome television shows, and Star Wars.

On a serious note, our hearts do go out to all of those affected by the recent terrorist attacks in Paris and around the world.  We implore everyone to not give in to the fear that these people want to inspire with their absolutely heinous actions.  Stay strong.  Love your neighbor.  Don't be a shithead.  Live your life.  

Episode 65 - Don't Never Forget the Holocaust

The guys gather in The Bunker to talk about things once again.  Many, many things.  Georgia football, Coach Mark Richt, Randy Quaid, and the UGA Bomb Disposal Unit.  Rett invents a drink.  Jon talks about the Georgia-Florida trip to Jekyll Island.  TJ gives the Athens Halloween update, including his take on the Wild Rumpus Parade.  There is talk of the Athens Police Blotter, downtown preachers, and of course, the weather.  Rett and TJ reveal what is sure to be their greatest accomplishment: they are coaching youth basketball.  Jon asks if he is a sociopath.  Rett responds by confirming yes, we all are.  

Episode 64 - An Infestation of Ducks

After a delay due to some technical difficulties, the guys once again come together in The Bunker to talk about a UGA game from a couple of weeks ago.  Rett's dad is building a house.  They lament college football's loss of Steve Spurrier.  Jon's uncle Jimmy is sick.  There is talk of Star Wars, Superman vs. Batman, and Charter's new deal.  They discuss the recent news about Playboy.  Jon recounts the Democratic Debates.  They spend some time talking about comedian Steve Rannazzisi, basketball player Lamar Odum, and musician Kanye West.  And Jon, once again, talks about Alaska State Troopers.    

Episode 63 - A Little Ganus in You

The guys come together once again, this time to lick their wounds from the UGA Alabama game.  Rett has started running.  Everything in Jon's life is breaking.  They talk about Halloween, burns, and White People's Katrina.  Burger King has a black whopper.  Then, a discussion of the recent school shooting in Oregon leads to damn near an hour talking about violence and gun control.  They update the listeners on the Republican candidates for President.  And they make the most chill outro in the history of the show.

Episode 62 - The Shart Tank

We know that it has been a while, and we appreciate your patience.  After a bit of a break, the guys reconvene in The Bunker to do they thang.  They catch everyone up on Jon's wedding and bachelor party, and they also spend some time discussing this college football season.  Rett talks about television shows and getting scalped.  TJ wonders if he could make it in federal pen.  Then they start talking politics and the upcoming presidential election.  And finally, in a moment of true inspiration, they encourage others via Periscope to take part in Tugs Across the World.

Episode 61 - Show Somebody Your Ankle Watch

School is back in, Athens.  But school is ALWAYS in down in The Bunker.  Jon apologizes to Michael Bay.  The guys dish on movies, which of course leads to talk of bestiality.  They ponder the wonders of the Internet.  TJ drinks a 25 ounce Budweiser.  Rett promotes Heads or Cocktails.  They discuss the recent turn of events involving Jared Fogle, and they talk about Rett's penis, Dismaland, and art in general.  Plans are made for Jon's bachelor party, which is happening on Saturday August 29 in beautiful downtown Athens.  Tell your friends.

Episode 60 - Playing With The Fruit of Your Loins

First of all, this episode is brought to you by the International Bear Convergence in beautiful Palm Beach, California, February 4-8, 2016.  Click on the link below for more information.  And be sure and tell them that Armageddon Afterparty sent you.

For their 60th episode, the guys discuss when a man should start getting his prostate checked (by a doctor).  This, of course, leads to talk of just where exactly we should be in our lives right now versus where high school Rett thought he would be.  There is talk of kids, credit worthiness, and owning/renting a home.  This, of course, leads the guys to do some planning for Jon's bachelor party.  Also, if anyone has access to a church van, please email us.  Or, tell you what - if anyone even reads these descriptions, email us.  I am really just curious about that.  Later on, the guys discuss the upcoming female Ghostbusters film, which of course leads to a conversation about what Ernie Hudson has been up to these days.

Episode 59 - Major Bidet

For their 59th episode, the guys once again converge in The Bunker for talk of all things spectacular.  After a brief bit of technical difficulty TJ talks about a recent gin-soaked trip to Texas, Rett tells more stories from high school, and Jon talks about Bryan Singer's EPIC pool parties.  TJ also reveals that he has been recently victimized.  Rett comes up with a new nickname, and he also wants to do a remake of The Hardy Boys.  Jon wants to punch a panda.  TJ hates Donald Trump.  And, as it is all winding down, the brown liquor really starts to take hold.  

Episode 58 - We Found a Starfish

For their 58th episode, the guys completely abandon their recent rash of guests and decide to completely focus on themselves for a bit.  Rett talks about his recent vacation and his butthole.  Some maniac wants your support in his efforts to put Outkast on the side of Stone Mountain.  Billy needs your prayers as he recovers from a tragic rope swing accident.  The guys offer insight into the Jamie Hood trial.  Also, Rett plugs Heads or Cocktails, which is happening this Saturday at The Nowhere Bar.  

Episode 57 - Henry Mitchell III Returns -or- This Racism Shit is Killing Me

The guys welcome Henry Mitchell III back to The Bunker for talk of all things metal and racial.  In case you don't remember, Henry is the mastermind behind the bands 10 Fingers Strong and Beastmode, as well as the founder of Athens Georgia's own New Metal Order.  There is talk of some recent news stories, they introduce a new segment called "Ask a Black Guy," and we finally get an answer to that age old question, are we racist?  And the answer is yes.  Yes, we are.